Blog 1
Blog 1
For my blog post, I decided to interview my brother Valdrin Behluli and one of my past Professors,
whom I call Professor Thomas. Throughout these interviews, I learned a lot about these two individuals
who I have strong relationships with. These interviewees vary in aspects of identity in various ways:
Age, Race, Single vs. Married.
whom I call Professor Thomas. Throughout these interviews, I learned a lot about these two individuals
who I have strong relationships with. These interviewees vary in aspects of identity in various ways:
Age, Race, Single vs. Married.
Valdrin Behluli:
Valdrin Behluli is my only sibling. He is my older brother. At the age of 25, he had a lot to say about
taught masculinity and how to be a classical man whilst growing up in the same household as I did.
He is a heterosexual white man who is single and who began his post student life a few years ago after
he finished college. Therefor, it is important to mention that he is college educated and has been
involved in many of these conversations whilst educating himself. He is also a single man and that
may change his perception of masculinity.
taught masculinity and how to be a classical man whilst growing up in the same household as I did.
He is a heterosexual white man who is single and who began his post student life a few years ago after
he finished college. Therefor, it is important to mention that he is college educated and has been
involved in many of these conversations whilst educating himself. He is also a single man and that
may change his perception of masculinity.
“When I hear the term ‘masculinity,’ the thought of men trying to express themselves in macho and
controlling behaviors comes to mind.”
“Be a man” basically means “Get your shit together” and “takeover the situation you’re in.”
The four cultural norms of Masculinity that stand out are President(Men pursue power and status),
Money(A man is judged by how much money he makes and the status of his job),
Control(Men are in control of their relationship, emotions, and job), and
Breadwinner(Men providing for and protecting family members).
“I learned my masculinity from my father, and from men I was socialized with. I was also very
influenced by media and television a lot. I played a lot of violent video games and watched a lot of
macho movies whereas men are always the protagonist. Taught me to value the idea of masculinity
from an early age and want to become that. Not letting anybody mess with me or dating multiple girls.
Just being a man and not letting anything affect me or showing any emotion.”
“I believe I model ideal masculinity. But as far as men in the media, Barack Obama was a very ideal
man in my opinion. He was respectful of everyone, his wife, his kids, men, women.”
“My ideas have definitely changed over time as I have grown up in a very important time in regards to
society. As a student, I learned a lot about sexuality and men and women and how we are ascribed in
society.”
Prompt 1
I noticed from my interview with Valdrin that there were a lot of commonalities between his answers.
It is clear that he was raised to “be a man” and to follow the standards of ideal masculinity. I have to
mention that he and I are very similar. We are very close as brothers and I agree and would say the
same in majority of his answers. However, I did observe that he has always felt more pressure to
“be a man” because he was always the oldest boy in my family. I realized that he felt pressure as
a child to be “macho” and “tough” because he wanted to prove himself as a leader to me and other
family members younger than him. I expected Valdrin to be very open minded as he was. We were
both raised in the same house by the same parents. As I have mentioned before, my father raised us
to be very tough and play sports and to always have control of situations we are in. That definitely
influenced Valdrin and I a lot. Nevertheless, we turned out okay because we had friends with different
identities growing up and we have educated ourselves to be in touch with society and not let taught
behaviors guide our lives. His identity definitely informed to his answers because he is a 25 year old
heterosexual white male in today’s society and he is aware of what the ideal man is in regards to the
causes and effects of patriarchy and society today.
It is clear that he was raised to “be a man” and to follow the standards of ideal masculinity. I have to
mention that he and I are very similar. We are very close as brothers and I agree and would say the
same in majority of his answers. However, I did observe that he has always felt more pressure to
“be a man” because he was always the oldest boy in my family. I realized that he felt pressure as
a child to be “macho” and “tough” because he wanted to prove himself as a leader to me and other
family members younger than him. I expected Valdrin to be very open minded as he was. We were
both raised in the same house by the same parents. As I have mentioned before, my father raised us
to be very tough and play sports and to always have control of situations we are in. That definitely
influenced Valdrin and I a lot. Nevertheless, we turned out okay because we had friends with different
identities growing up and we have educated ourselves to be in touch with society and not let taught
behaviors guide our lives. His identity definitely informed to his answers because he is a 25 year old
heterosexual white male in today’s society and he is aware of what the ideal man is in regards to the
causes and effects of patriarchy and society today.
Prompt 2
Reflecting on my interview with Valdrin, I would definitely say that his answers validate the theories
ideas we have learned about masculinities thus far. He explained how he thinks men behave is influenced
by socialization and the stereotype of what it is to be a man. He also elaborated on his thoughts on how
men are who they are from an early age due to the fear of being inferior. Boys are influenced by and want
to be like their fathers and want to stand out as the man’ which often leads to toxic masculinity.
ideas we have learned about masculinities thus far. He explained how he thinks men behave is influenced
by socialization and the stereotype of what it is to be a man. He also elaborated on his thoughts on how
men are who they are from an early age due to the fear of being inferior. Boys are influenced by and want
to be like their fathers and want to stand out as the man’ which often leads to toxic masculinity.
“When we instead choose to encourage the full range of human capacities in our children, growing
strength and self-reliance alongside emotional literacy and relational intelligence, these wide-ranging
capacities dovetail to create powerful and resilient human beings. Our children will be empowered to
create vibrant friendships and communities they can rely on during challenging times” (Greene, Remaking
Manhood, 6).
strength and self-reliance alongside emotional literacy and relational intelligence, these wide-ranging
capacities dovetail to create powerful and resilient human beings. Our children will be empowered to
create vibrant friendships and communities they can rely on during challenging times” (Greene, Remaking
Manhood, 6).
"For generations, America's culture of masculinity has taught boys and men to suppress their emotional
expression"(Greene, Remaking Manhood, 6).
expression"(Greene, Remaking Manhood, 6).
“What I do advocate for is a more diverse masculinity, where men have the freedom to live more fulfilling
and authentic lives, whatever those lives may look like”(Greene, Remaking Manhood, 8).
and authentic lives, whatever those lives may look like”(Greene, Remaking Manhood, 8).
Professor Thomas:
Professor Thomas was one of my favorite professors at the previous college I had attended before I transferred
to Cal State San Marcos. He was a History Professor and I had taken three of his classes. I developed a
great relationship with him as he did a great job in connecting with his students. He is a 63 year old married
heterosexual black man whom was born and raised in a city of Missouri, St Louis. He went through a
lot whilst growing up in the 20th century as a black man. In his late 30’s he moved to California and
began his career as a Professor. It is important to mention that the time Professor Thomas grew up in,
wasn’t a very great time to speak about such topics and it has taken him decades to be able to open up
and express how he truly feels about men and masculinity.
“Masculinity is sort of a sick idea men have about what it means to be a man.” “‘Be a man’ is subjective because masculine men would imply you become steel like and prove
yourself as a tough guy whereas people who are not masculine would suggest you be a man and be
mature, respectful, and a good man.”
“The cultural norms which stand out to me are Breadwinner(Men Provide for and protect family
members), Self-Reliant(Asking for help is a sign of weakness. Go for it alone. Be self-sufficient and
do not depend on others), and Warrior(Men take death defying risks to prove themselves. Men identify
with war heroes). I would choose these two to three norms because this is the idea of what it was to be
a man that I grew up on.”
“I learned masculinity from my siblings. I had three older brothers growing up and we grew up in
Missouri which wasn’t California like during the time and I had to grow up quickly because of all the
pressures I had as a black man. I wanted to prove myself and show that I was self-reliant and able to be
self-sufficient. I was taught the idea that men go through a lot and women have it easier. However, It is
quite the opposite.”
“Personally in my life, I believe my son and my nephews model ideal masculinity because they treat the
ir wife and kids respectfully and they are model citizens. In the media, it’s very tough say who behaves
ideal masculinity because everyone is not who they seem to be on camera or in the public-eye.”“Yes,
my idea of masculinity has changed drastically throughout time because human society has changed
and evolved into more of a liberating lifestyle. People can actually be who they are nowadays and its
okay. Back in my time, it was very difficult to express yourself because you had to follow the standards
of others or else you were condemned. At the time, almost everything I did could have been condemning,
college, marriage, children, hanging out with friends. People were overtly racist and obviously very
oppressive of black men. So yes my ideas and perspectives have changed a lot.”
to Cal State San Marcos. He was a History Professor and I had taken three of his classes. I developed a
great relationship with him as he did a great job in connecting with his students. He is a 63 year old married
heterosexual black man whom was born and raised in a city of Missouri, St Louis. He went through a
lot whilst growing up in the 20th century as a black man. In his late 30’s he moved to California and
began his career as a Professor. It is important to mention that the time Professor Thomas grew up in,
wasn’t a very great time to speak about such topics and it has taken him decades to be able to open up
and express how he truly feels about men and masculinity.
“Masculinity is sort of a sick idea men have about what it means to be a man.” “‘Be a man’ is subjective because masculine men would imply you become steel like and prove
yourself as a tough guy whereas people who are not masculine would suggest you be a man and be
mature, respectful, and a good man.”
“The cultural norms which stand out to me are Breadwinner(Men Provide for and protect family
members), Self-Reliant(Asking for help is a sign of weakness. Go for it alone. Be self-sufficient and
do not depend on others), and Warrior(Men take death defying risks to prove themselves. Men identify
with war heroes). I would choose these two to three norms because this is the idea of what it was to be
a man that I grew up on.”
“I learned masculinity from my siblings. I had three older brothers growing up and we grew up in
Missouri which wasn’t California like during the time and I had to grow up quickly because of all the
pressures I had as a black man. I wanted to prove myself and show that I was self-reliant and able to be
self-sufficient. I was taught the idea that men go through a lot and women have it easier. However, It is
quite the opposite.”
“Personally in my life, I believe my son and my nephews model ideal masculinity because they treat the
ir wife and kids respectfully and they are model citizens. In the media, it’s very tough say who behaves
ideal masculinity because everyone is not who they seem to be on camera or in the public-eye.”“Yes,
my idea of masculinity has changed drastically throughout time because human society has changed
and evolved into more of a liberating lifestyle. People can actually be who they are nowadays and its
okay. Back in my time, it was very difficult to express yourself because you had to follow the standards
of others or else you were condemned. At the time, almost everything I did could have been condemning,
college, marriage, children, hanging out with friends. People were overtly racist and obviously very
oppressive of black men. So yes my ideas and perspectives have changed a lot.”
Prompt 1
The commonalities that I noticed in Professor Thomas’ answers is that he was raised to be strong and
not let anything really affect him. He explained how he had to prove himself as a reliant man and not a
weak man. The differences I observed in my interview with him was that he was raised by his brothers
and sisters which taught him to model “ideal masculinity” in my perspective. Nothing surprised me.
Professor Thomas was always very influential by the stories he told us in class and by the countless
amount of conversations we had in his office. He is a father figure to many students and he is so by
being open minded and understanding of others differences. His identity definitely informed to his
answers because he is an African American man who experienced a great amount of oppression
throughout his life and that taught him to be able to go through the difficulties of being a man from
an early age.
not let anything really affect him. He explained how he had to prove himself as a reliant man and not a
weak man. The differences I observed in my interview with him was that he was raised by his brothers
and sisters which taught him to model “ideal masculinity” in my perspective. Nothing surprised me.
Professor Thomas was always very influential by the stories he told us in class and by the countless
amount of conversations we had in his office. He is a father figure to many students and he is so by
being open minded and understanding of others differences. His identity definitely informed to his
answers because he is an African American man who experienced a great amount of oppression
throughout his life and that taught him to be able to go through the difficulties of being a man from
an early age.
Prompt 2
Professor Thomas explained that it is very difficult to grow up as a boy because of all the expectations we have. We have to follow many rules and define ourselves by our standards. We have to work very hard to prove ourselves to society that we are worthy. My interview with him did validate the theories and ideas we learned about masculinity and he made connections to a lot of content from the videos we have watched.
"For this generation of men, there will be no quick or easy way forward. It will take generations for us to free ourselves from what was done to us, by us, for us, and through us in the name of traditional American masculinity"(Greene).
I am glad the men you interviewed accepted that men do not have it easy in society. I was also touched by Professor Thomas' philosophy. I found his story very interesting because some people try to forget how much black men were oppressed back in the way, even today. I feel like he who has suffered through social pressures "because you had to follow the standards of others" has a lot to say about masculinity. I also find your brother's interview amazing because some men do not like to show affection with their siblings, mostly if they're both male. I liked how he took charge of being the older brother and was an example for you growing up. Some people do no have that. It was also interesting that they both had some similarities and yet being fundamentally different.
ReplyDeleteHi Blendi,
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading your blog post and the variability between your two interviewees. I've been seeing a correlation whilst reading the blogs and that is that education plays a big role whether men partake in letting masculinity shape them. I also agree with Professor Thomas about how boys have it hard. There are so many social standards that create what is supposed to be normal under someone's eyes (the patriarchy) and you could be punished if you fall out or even step out of that "box". I think portraying masculinity is beautiful and awesome but its the toxicity that can mess the picture up and make things messy. It's great to hear a man's perspective on other men.
Hey Blendi,
ReplyDeleteI can certainly understand how the media plays a large role in shaping what is seen as the “ideal masculine” and teaches young boys of what their role is supposed to be in society. When I asked my interviewees who they saw as the ideal masculine they both had to take a few moments to think about it which I took it as something they probably never thought they’d be asked. As your brother suggested, Barack Obama can be seen as an ideal masculine male because he attempts to be respectful of all of those around him. This is someone who appears to be open minded and respectful of those around him, perhaps even if they don’t agree with him. It’s interesting to read how men are reflecting on their own roles and views as they answered these questions. As professor Thomas suggested and something I never thought of as a woman, the expectations that boys and men are supposed to meet or their masculinity is questioned.
Hey Blendi,
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your interviewees with us. The demographic and age differences were a great choice to incorporate for this topic. It's awesome that your sibling was open to discussing the topic of masculinity and that he has changed his views over time. Same with your professor! The fact that he was raised during 50's/60's to become a man is crazy. The ideas and constructions of masculinity were so enforced during those times that I am surprised he has been able to become so open-minded to the topic of masculinity. Both of your interviewees are doing what Greene is asking; calling to action to take everything we know about masculinity and flipping it on it's head. These men are heading in the right direction for all men. Thanks again for sharing this!